James Dunn looks forward to turkey, trimming and potential unemployment…

Students across the country have been heading home this week through the snow, filling the trains and buses with black bin bags full of laundry. We may look to be full of Yuletide joy, but the outlook for students this Christmas, and for 2010, is as bleak as the inevitable sprouts on Christmas Day.

With unemployment..

Olivia Amos looks at those who live above the law..

“Be you ever so high that the law is above you.” -

This famous quote from the late judge Lord Denning, a pioneer in the legal world who consistently challenged the status quo to secure ‘justice’ for all, is a well established doctrine stating how no one is immune to the laws of the land. Yet recent cases suggest that there is one group to whom that rule does not apply. That of the ‘celebrity’. As I watched…

A review of the late Stieg Larsson’s eccentric thriller.

The Assembly Rooms, Saturday 28th February 2009
 
DULOG’s Improvised Musical
 
The programme warned the audience that “for the first (and most probably the last) time”, six students would attempt to completely improvise a musical. Hopefully from the success of their performance they will reconsider this and attempt many more, as their production of “The Chair, the Door and the Monkey named Harry”, suggested by one audience member, was surprisingly impressive.
 
The ensemble had obviously worked very hard preparing for their improvisation, and their work paid off – they shared the stage well, …

Thousands of students about to graduate have expressed their despair and depression over what was supposed to have been the best three years of their lives…

University authorities have expressed cautious optimism over the future of three thousand new graduates released from Durham this month. Having completed three and four year training programmes designed to prepare them for the real world, the graduates will now be expected to fend for themselves and carve out their own niche in the wild.
“God bless ‘em,” cried Maths warden Matthias Jones, an atheist who once covered his grandmother’s tablecloth with wax crayon. “We’ve done all we can, and it’s down to them now. There might be one or two sticky …

Home Counties postman Kenny Calman awoke from his sleep to inform his wife that he had “the weirdest dream” last night…

The Durham University Estates and Buildings department has expressed its desire to “make the most” of the en masse departure of thousands of students this Friday and bring about “radical” repair work across the University…

Durham’s “number one” archaeology museum, the Old Fulling Mill, is said to be prepared for hordes of students to descend upon on it now that the exams have finished…

Cloud-scraping St Aidan’s has appointed a new Tourism Officer as it attempts to boost visiting figures and rival University College as one of Durham’s leading attractions…

With his module marks projected to reach an all-time low, Philosophy lecturer Albert Gonnigal has blamed his students ineffectual attempts on a wide variety of factors except for his teaching skills…

Chad’s finalist Carl “Tiger” White is finally dropping his confident love machine persona in favour of being himself for his last four weeks in Durham…

Studious bookworm and English Literature finalist Thomas Dauber has declared himself “bursting” with an in-depth knowledge of Shakespeare, yet bereft of any suitable outlet into which to channel it…

Following his fifth bellowed rendition of Rule Britannia, Steve Fladlow, has been declared a “complete twat” by selected fellow viewers of the recent World Cup match between England and Sweden…

After years of opposing various Old Shire Hall initiatives – but making no noticeable difference whatsoever – the DSU President today announced that all further policy will fall in line with the wishes of Sir Kenneth Calman…