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V Day

Posted on 7th February 2010. 4 Comments

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Jo Gandon wonders why V-day has suddenly turned into D-day…
“If you’re single then you spend it with your sad single friends, a tub of Ben & Jerry’s  and ‘The Notebook’…”
Is it just me? Or does anybody actually look forward to Valentine’s Day? I don’t and I don’t know anybody who does. Our calendars illuminate the day in evil bright red writing. Everywhere seems to be caked in sickly pink fluffy hearts. The whole day is difficult to ignore and about as subtle as Amy Winehouse’s weave.
If you’re single then you spend it with your sad single friends, a tub of Ben & Jerry’s  and ‘The Notebook’. Depressed that nobody loves you and convinced that nobody will, you tell yourself you don’t really care. But nonetheless you wonder if Romeo will come to his senses and post something through your letterbox. You persuade yourself that if a large pink envelope has landed on your doormat, your admirer will almost certainly be somebody insultingly awful – it’s bound to be ‘Hopeless Hal’ who mistook your agony aunt services for true love. Refuse to stay in and the next thing you know you’ll find yourself at a charity ‘Lock and Key’ event. There you’ll meet some bloke called Adrian who enthuses about reptiles, has unfortunate nose-hair and a soft spot for garlic. Events like these just guarantee your waking up Romeo-less, saddled with a large hangover.
If you’re loved up then you’re lined up for a romance-fest. This is the expectation, anyway. You anticipate a million red roses, a giant flowery card with a mixed tape he spent weeks compiling and chocolates in a heart-shaped box. And on top of this you want to be wined and dined, followed by a romantic walk with hand-holding and endless confessions of undying love. Sadly, your lovely Dave will probably just send you an e-card of a sheep with a bad pun involving the word ‘ewe’.
“There is just no pleasing us sometimes.”
So no matter what your relationship status is on Facebook, V-day is fated to be a big fat disappointment. For somereason, our sense of humour takes a little holiday break on the 14th of February. Instead of appreciating that your bloke was trying to be thoughtful when buying you the ‘Top Gun’ DVD, you assume that he bought it only because he wanted to watch it later. Yet if he writes you a cheesy poem crafted as if James Blunt had just written it, we think it’s “too intense”. There is just no pleasing us sometimes. Why can’t we just enjoy the smaller things, like the fact that he thought to buy you a present in the first place? Or that at least he didn’t buy you a hoover?
Ok, I won’t lie. I’m not exactly somebody who is in a position to preach about relationships. My own romantic experiences haven’t exactly been fairytales, but isn’t Valentine’s Day supposed to be a bit of harmless fun? Let’s not do a Carrie Bradshaw and see it as the be-all and end-all. Let’s just keep calm and carry on. There is no need to commit carbocide simply because Prince Charming took a slight detour en route to your door. Instead, chill your beans – stick them in the freezer if you have to – and focus on the important things.
V-Day doesn’t have to be D-Day.
Jo Gandon

4 Comments »

  • Mr Man said:

    this made me laugh actually, well done

  • Samantha said:

    I’m a trisexual. I’ll try anything once.

  • Steph said:

    I like the idea of committing carbocide. it is something i do on a regular basis and now there is a name for it!

  • Grim said:

    Jo Gandon, you have a way with words. Please write more articles because they are hilarious.