“Seasonal Affective Disorder has been on the rise..”

S.A.D has undoubtedly become a more frequent topic of conversation. A decade ago, those three letters could have stood for anything, whereas nowadays it’s fairly obvious I am not referring to Sexual Arousal Disorder, Sagittal Abdominal Diameter and neither do I mean everyone’s favourite electronic component, the good old  Silicon Avalanche Diode, but Seasonal Affective Disorder. Suddenly everyone is  moaning about it. There’s always some pyjama-clad person sprawled on the sofa watching Flog It! whilst audibly contemplating their sensitivity to sunlight like some hypochondriac photo-synthesising pot plant. Of course humans are sensitive to sunlight, but if you shave a few hours off the day, nobody is going to visibly wilt, turn brown and die. Just like nobody will  sprout roots and attempt to cross-pollinate themselves.

In saying this, Seasonal Affective Disorder has been on the rise, and the medical world is torn between, or at least vaguely indecisive about, the two opposing views on the subject.  The first opinion passionately declares that S.A.D. is a valid medical condition, an illness treatable in a number of different ways. The second brands it merely as a symptom of depression, or an excuse for people to throw sickies and avoid putting the bins out.

“…there is some medical evidence to suggest that people may actually be affected by the seasons…”

Interestingly, and unsurprisingly, the increase in sunlight-orientated grievances reported globally perfectly matches the steady rise of research papers published on S.A.D. Now, I am not for a second implying the general public would ever latch on to a publicised condition and subconsciously use it to explain symptoms that have, in the past, been treated by Shutting Up And Getting On With Your Life For Christ Sake. Not at all. It’s not like there was a massive increase in Anorexia the moment Nicole Richie started depriving herself of bagels and prancing about in a bikini like a tiny extraterrestrial pygmy -toddler, is it? The moment a new condition arises, there is an inexplicable surge in complaints, and though S.A.D. could certainly be yet another syndrome latched onto by people who dislike precipitation and cloud coverage there is some evidence to suggest that people may actually be affected by the seasons.

Whilst 9% of people living in the colder northern regions of the USA are reported to suffer from the disorder, only 1.5% experience S.A.D in sunny Florida. Additionally, instances are especially rife in Alaska as well as the even more light-deprived Nordic countries. Annoyingly, there’s always one nation that ruins national medical evidence surveys, and this time it’s Iceland. First they go and unleash Bjork, and then they successfully bulldoze the supporting evidence for an up-and-coming seasonal disorder. The rate of S.A.D. is pretty much zero amongst the Icelandic population, an anomaly that scientists can’t fully account for. Scrambling for excuses, they came up with the massively exciting notion that the reason the Icelandic don’t experience S.A.D. is because they eat loads of fish. Sadly, this wasn’t ever proved.

“..Doctors can’t decide whether it’s an actual illness or not..”

Because of the lack of valid research on the subject (recent academic studies on S.A.D. were deemed so ridiculous that between 1975 and 2003 only 1 in 10 papers were of sufficient quality to publish) UK and USA doctors are still unsure as to the correct procedure when dealing with the amount of apparent sufferers. Light Therapy is the most effective healer…but only 19% of those prescribed the UV Light Boxes continue with the full cycle of treatment, because they find it inconvenient. They would, of course, prefer to be pumped full of drugs than sit in front of a bit of light for thirty minutes. Brilliant.

So treatments are mixed, partly due to the fact that sufferers can’t be bothered, but mostly due to the fact that doctors can’t decide whether it’s a valid illness or not. Light therapy and anti-depressants show some significantly beneficial results, but not just in Seasonal Affective Disorder, in Depression too. Nobody seems able to separate Seasonal Affective Disorder from just feeling a bit down in the dumps at the prospect of cold nights and icy winds, and more importantly, if someone is depressed, it’s not exactly an award-winning hypothesis to suppose they’ll be potentially more so in winter than in summer. This isn’t necessarily due to the lack of sunlight itself, but more what it entails and what psychological attachments people have to darkness, or, the night time. Insomniacs may be subconsciously reminded of wandering around at 3am eating inordinate amounts of toast and having nobody to talk to. Depressives often experience insomnia, and so the winter will automatically have negative psychological effects as opposed to physical ones.

In an evolutionary sense, many believe that S.A.D. is a remnant of hibernation, which explains the general human preference for bright, sunny days over wet, miserable dark ones, but the more common belief is that if a person’s S.A.D. is completely unmanageable, they should be treated for Depression. In fact, there is no such thing as the illness S.A.D, it is just a symptom of a greater mental problem.

So basically, if you don’t want to get out of bed because it’s cold and wet outside, you have a number of options. Go  and stand next to a light bulb for a bit, examine the intensity of your apathy and determine whether or not you have full- blown depression, or move somewhere closer to the equator. In the worst case scenario, crack open a can of John West’s finest and blast out some Sigur Ros.  The entire Icelandic population can’t be wrong.

Steveo  Martin