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Obnoxiously loud World Cup viewer labelled a twat

Posted on 5th October 2008. No Comment

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Following his fifth bellowed rendition of Rule Britannia, Steve Fladlow, has been declared a “complete twat” by selected fellow viewers of the recent World Cup match between England and Sweden. Five minutes after Sol Campbell’s thumping header put England into the lead Mr Fladlow was officially labelled as a “twat” by armchair character pundits, Paul Bladdly and Mike Graton.

“That guy is a complete tosspot,” Mr Bladdly quietly whispered to his good friend as Mr Fladlow deafeningly brayed his pro-English sentiments whilst waving a beer aloft and blocking the view for four fellow viewers. Nodding in agreement, Mr Graton ably finished the insult with a determined finish: “yes, he’s a total and utter twat”.

It was a result that surprised few. “To be honest, his form has really been leading up to this sort of performance,” commented one viewer, “it’s hardly a shock”. In preseason action Mr Fladlow had demonstrated that he was one of the most likely candidates amongst the college population to perform “like a prize twat” during the festival of footballing action. “I was standing in the dinner queue for ten minutes yesterday when he cut right in ahead of me,” added one spectator, “I could see by his pace, agility and general disregard for his fellow human beings that he would probably put in a strong twatlike effort during the World Cup”. Those following Mr Fladlow’s preparations also cite his inability to think of others as an example of his single-minded and determined attitude which would pay dividends and propel him to the upper echelons of twatdom.

There had been speculation amongst some that Mr Fladlow may struggle to reach peak performance after difficulties in the build-up to the big event. A “harsh challenge” from college security after he was caught urinating against an outside bar wall left him “shattered and out of form” as he sat quietly in the corner of the bar resting. However, despite this setback, Mr Fladlow has defied those who wrote him off as “merely a bit of prat” by making a stunning return to form.

The confirmation of twatlike status during the World Cup represents the finalisation of an impressive Triple Crown for Mr Fladlow. During the recent Six Nations Rugby tournament he was awarded the title of “complete wanker” for his six vomit performance during the England – Ireland match whilst his remarkable performance in conducting a loud ten minute telephone conversation during the Snooker World Championship Final led to him being declared an “utter shit” by one awestruck fellow viewer.

After a recent announcement that he will be going to Australia this Winter on holiday to watch the Ashes many have expressed that he will be able to continue his standards at international level. “He could twat for England” one observer declared.

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